Is Yelling the Only Way?

Are you constantly yelling at your child? Do you feel this is the only way they will listen? It all boils down to talking to your child versus talking at your child. Parents can create habits that fall into a pattern of speaking at a child, rather than to them. The child didn’t listen when you were calm, which caused you to constantly raise your voice and even yell. And now, when you do want to redirect them with calmness, they don’t take you seriously. Your home is constantly filled with negative energy and you are exhausted by the energy you put in to get them to follow directions and listen to you. You’ve turned your communication into reacting. You’ve lost your ability to respond. Why this is problematic Here are four reasons why this type of communication is problematic. 1. Your child emulates what they see and hear. Often, children take this behaviour to school and speak to their teachers and peers the same way. Conversely, your child is less likely to stick up for themselves when others use abrasive language towards them. 2. Anxiety builds up in your child. Talking to your child can be a source of wetting the bed, nail biting, aggression, being self critical, mood swings, often being worried, having academic challenges, etc. 3. It establishes a toxic baseline of communication. When children learn a pattern of abrasive communication, they no longer pay attention to calm communication. A hostile environment becomes the norm. 4. It confuses your child. Sets a precedent that it is ok for other people to treat them the same way, or confused with who they can talk to in the same manner. What can you do as a parent? First, breathe, you’re one of many. It isn’t too late to dig down and find the patience that you once had. Now, breathe again, because this is one method you will need to practice repeatedly while changing the communication with your child. Here are two of the steps to get yourself out of the predicament. 1. Set a firm boundary How many opportunities will you give them? It shouldn’t be many. 2. Follow through with your firm boundary Stop counting to ten and saying “or else”. Do you find yourself getting to 9 and then all of a sudden they’ve complied to your request? They negotiated with you: their defiance vs. your parenting.